I have a sickness.
I love cradle-cap. I adore boogers. I crave the milk crust that can collect behind the ears. I swoon for toe goo. I am a fan of infant neck cheese. And I can’t resist bits of ear wax.
When the kids were itty-bitties, I would say, “God must love me. A child with cradle-cap! I have been blessed!!” I considered it time well-spent if I had “worked” on the scalp that day. I also took great pleasure in scooping out the neck cheese after a particularly messy feeding. Milk crust behind the ears is something I still get to enjoy as my 13 month old still suffers from the crust. I look forward to clipping fingernails and toe nails … offering me a chance to dig the jam out from between their toes. Yes, I still attack my seven-year-old, poor guy! Boogers offer me particular pleasure as I get to utilize my favorite grooming accessory, the cotton swab. Almost nothing gives me such satisfaction as my successful extraction of a ball of slime, or a particularly challenging set of wicker furniture of the nostrils. But the thing that will have me committed is my obsession with ear wax. I specifically leave my pinkie fingernail a bit longer so that I can dig out the stubborn flecks caught in the ear hairs. [I believe this can be traced back to my junior high school band director. May the gods bless his genius … but man, as first-chair clarinet, I had to spend a lot of time checkin’ out his ear gunkus. A.LOT. Yick.] And here’s the kicker … I don’t stop at the kids. Yep. I attack my poor husband. Go ahead, puke in your mouth a little bit. Even I shake my head and ask aloud, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CHICK??”
I am a gorilla. Next thing you know, I’ll turn my face to the heavens and ask for head-lice so I can mess with the nits …
Let’s hope not.
All That We Let In 
Megan said
And you call my inner lip gross…I think you surpass me…
Rachel said
I was debating on what I should have for breakfast but now I don’t have to worry about that, I couldn’t eat anything if I tried. I think it was actually the longer pinkie nail that did it for me.
Laura said
Thanks for stopping by my blog. You think you’re technologically challenged? I can’t even get the Ladies of the Round Table button up on my blog! Sad, huh?!
This post cracked me up! I have a few gross little habits myself, including going after his ears with my pinkie, which drives him crazy! And the boogers used to gross me out, but now I find it a challenge to dig that stuff outta there. 🙂
Jackie V said
Lorri,
Wanna hear something weird? Katie V. is obsessed with ear wax too…when she was little i used to have to hide the q-tips from her. Genetics is a powerful thing.
Me? i love the little blister that forms on a baby’s upper lip.
I love you.
Aunt Jackie
Rearranging Furniture « All That We Let In said
[…] Hence, the new theme. I will never invest in having one designed for me — although I SO LOVE to see what people can create with their computer magic — so I perused the market of themes this afternoon and came up with what you see. Long story longer … I need a diagnosis, people. This rearranging-of-physical-traits is a condition. A disease. I swear. And this is in addition to that one. […]